On falling down
Why is it that seeing someone fall over is kinda funny? Is it that, secretly, you’re laughing off the embarrassment you’d feel if it were you doing the falling? Because, let’s be honest, taking a tumble isn’t funny when it happens to you.
Sometimes it physically hurts, like the time I dislocated my little toe, but most of the time it’s not the bruises and dislocated joints that bother us, it’s the knock to our self image we dread. Seriously. When the toe incident happened my very first thought, before I even hit the ground, was I hope the neighbours aren’t watching. As if watching me in my backyard is their favourite pastime.
You don’t always remember the exact circumstances of the event but you sure do remember how you felt. You easily recall how your cheeks burned with embarrassment, or the twisting feeling in the pit of your stomach. You never want to feel it again and you promise yourself you’ll step more carefully in future. Somewhere in the back of your subconscious that memory is tagged and catalogued under “Things To Avoid”, alongside all the other times you slipped up, messed up, and fell flat. It’s nestled close to the strengthening belief that if you take a risk you’re in danger of feeling that nausea of shame. People will laugh at you, think ill of you, look down on you.
It’s okay though. Your mind will be your protector. Any time it senses a hesitation, an alert to the unfamiliar, a new experience just ahead, it will trigger your internal warning system - that feeling of dread in your gut. Your mind will ensure you stay safe.
That’s why, whenever you want to make a change in your life, try something new, branch out or reach higher your mind will come up with some cunning plan to stop you. All the enthusiasm you had for your project last week has faded this week and now you just don’t feel like it. Feelings.
When you put yourself out there you WILL draw criticism. People close to you and total strangers will all have advice for you. And all the while your brain keeps ringing it’s alarm bell and whispering “don’t do it” in your ear.
I totally get it. This is me. Over and over. I can see it happening but just haven’t quite managed to push past it… yet… but I keep trying. That’s really what this blog is about, at least for now. I’m pushing myself to do something new, to forge a new path for myself and for my world. It’s scary, believe me. But I’ll keep writing, I’ll keep sharing my thoughts and experiences of life because, in spite of the dread, I know that in doing so I’ll become a better writer and more empathetic life coach.
More than that though, I’ll beat down that inner fear that derails audacious life goals. You’re welcome to watch me fall down, snigger if you must, but you’ll also see me rise.